Separating twins in school

Elaine Schnall recently asked the group for thoughts on separating twins in a classroom setting, and here is what she heard. Elaine, thanks for sharing these.


I’ve been dealing with/thinking about the same issue lately. We just started pre-pre school (age 2 yrs). It’s a transition program, and it’s working great. But I do see my daughter very often helping or ‘rescuing’ my son. I was really against the idea of forced separation – I truly believe the appropriate way is to monitor the children in a classroom environment, and then meet with the teachers, etc., to mutually decide what is right for my kids. But now, seeing how my kids behave, I can already tell that she is going to hinder his growth and improvement, by 'mothering' him and making sure he’s happy. I’d much prefer it if they could play separately and be happy knowing the other is in the room – but they are best friends, and of course they are going to be together or watching each other the majority of the time. In our case, that seems to be more bad than good.

A friend from preschool has twins in kindergarten. She knew separation would be an issue and decided to start early. The summer they were 3 ½ they were separated at camp (they’d been going for two years). They had playground time together and saw each other a few times a day. That way, the pre-K year, they were used to the separation – this adjustment made it easier when they started real school. Her kids are great friends, but they definitely enjoy having their own world for part of the day. For what it’s worth, I’m planning on trying this, too. I trust my friend and her instincts. Obviously the issue is really based on the individual twins. If one of your children is more dominant and perhaps running the show while the other one just does her thing when she can, they might benefit from a little time apart. Personally, I think my son will grow as a person and socialize much better if he has the opportunity to go solo. Good luck with the school board – and check out www.ERIC.ed.gov.

We separated our girls this year at preschool. This is their 3rd year there, and they are in a 4's program. It is the best thing we ever did. They are thriving, particularly the daughter who was less verbal - she is now a total chatterbox. But, aside from them being able to grow individually what is really great, and I think most important, is that the teachers see them as individuals and not as a unit. As well intentioned as teachers and other parents are, there is a tendency to label them as "the twins." Having them make their own friends and being known for only themselves has been a really huge step in their development. So, for us, its been great. It was a very difficult first week but since then they've been incredibly happy. It's not the easiest thing for us logistically, two rooms, double the birthday parties, etc., but worth it.

The preschool my twins attend is deeply against separating twins before they are truly ready for the separation and maintains that this point will be different for every set of twins. Obviously I agree with them, as this is where we chose to send our kids. But as my two are only 20 months old now (in the same 'class' and really loving it) I made this choice more on gut instinct than any hard core information. Our school is Studio School, in case you are interested, they have a pretty strong philosophy on separation in general.

I have never heard of separating twins in preschool. My school says they sometimes recommend separating twins but it's up to the parents. However, the public schools out here in Chatham, NJ, tell me that it's practiced policy to separate. I am starting to mount a fight. If you want studies and info, I suggest going to Twins Magazine's website and look up anything they have on this. Also, contact Kathy Dolan. She started the website twinslegislation.com and is trying to get legislation passed that will make it parental choice. She has been enormously helpful re providing literature and studies. She is reachable at kathydolan@nyc.rr.com.

Additionally you might check out the NOMOTC website. They have guides for educators that you can purchase... "We have 2 different education products available. One is called "Placement of Multiple Birth Children in School: A Guide for Educators." This is a booklet. The cost of the publication is $5.00. The other is called a Partners in Education kit. The kit includes the "Placement of Multiple Birth Children in School..." booklet, NOMOTC's Guidelines for the Education of Multiples Birth Children, summaries of research completed by NOMOTC on this topic, and tips for handling school issues. The cost of this publication is $10.00. Both are available by writing our Executive Office at P.O. Box 700860, Plymouth, MI 48170. You can also order this online as a credit card purchase, at www.nomotc.org.

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