MANY of you expressed interest in when and how to talk to children about some sensitive subjects, such as strangers, inappropriate touching, etc. Michelle Nelson culled these for us--thanks, Michelle!


I think our son was probably 3 or so when I started talking to him. His school had a booklet and went through stuff with him around then--I don't know if I had said anything before then or not. [The book] had pictures of good touches and bad touches--hugs and holding hands were nice, holding a cat was nice, hitting was not nice- the hitting picture was between two kids same age. It was to get the kid talking about good and bad touches.** I think we talked about that before talking about strangers. I have since gotten a book called The Right Touch but have not read it to him yet because my husband didn't want me to.

I also struggle with how to convey that he does have to obey adults at school and church. That's usually a different context, but do you give a caveat that you don't obey an adult if they're asking you to do the wrong thing?

I tell him not to ever go off with a stranger he doesn't know. I tell him only his parents and a doctor can touch his penis or bottom--or a teacher if he asks for help in the bathroom, and that no one is allowed to touch him in a way that doesn't feel good. I also tell him he is never to keep secrets from me or his dad and that we can always protect him no matter what. That's about it.

**Oh, I just found the booklet from his school. It's called Good Touch, Bad Touch and is produced locally by Smart Kids/Safe Kids. We read it periodically; it talks about your body being your own...there are bad touches that don't feel good and to shout "stop!" The book goes on to say "I'm in charge of my body and decide which touches feel safe and good and which ones are unsafe." It says parts of the body you cover with a swimsuit are private parts; that no one should touch your private parts in way that makes you upset and no one should ask you to touch their private parts; to tell any grown up that asks you to keep a secret that you don't believe in keeping secrets and to run away and tell a parent or adult you trust.

At our last doctor visit (age 5), the doctor quickly looked at his penis when examining him, and told him she was going to look quickly at his penis to make sure his whole body was healthy and that no one else should touch his private parts. He asked me about it on the way home.

I wouldn't mention strangers yet--at age two children can develop fears about monsters/night time and I think to introduce another element is too soon. (We've had a summer of my daughter having fears of monsters, etc.)

I think instead of talking about strangers just reiterate how important it is for safety to stay close to mommy and teach them about how you don't want them to run off in the park in case they get lost and can't find you...rather than the negative, that way they learn the importance of being close to mommy/family and learn about safety rather than creating fear.

I think once they get a little older and are going to school then you can talk about strangers. Also, you may find pre-K touches on the subject or at least can advise you.

It is hard to bring up some subjects, and I sometimes feel strange talking to my kids about such things, but I know that they listen, certainly by 2-1/2, because by age 3 they could repeat things I warned them of. So I think you can actually start talking to your kids at age 2 about things like:

"You know we don't talk to people we don't know unless mommy is with you, right?" (I say this instead of the blanket "never talk to strangers" because there are too many notable exceptions like policemen, other moms in the park whom you would deem "safe" and whom your child may need to rely on in a "God forbid" situation.)

"You know your body is yours, all your body parts belong only to you, nobody should touch them without your permission." (I work this in at bath time.)

I also repeat constantly that some things are not safe, even items we see or use all the time, like fire, scissors, soap, bottles of stuff in the bathroom or kitchen (these are locked up in my home, but still...), vitamins, etc. Whenever we use these things or the kids see them I repeat "remember, you know these are not safe to touch when I'm not around!" And of course there is the usual, "look both ways and hold my hand when we cross the street!"

Kids hear and digest more than you might imagine, it pays to start early and repeat as necessary, and I think if you use a calm but serious tone you won't freak them out. Plus, kids always need to know that there are boundaries.

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