[Talking to your kids about sensitive subjects, continued]

Google Norman Friedman Sex Abuse and see what comes up. He's the Westchester County guy I heard speak and I thought he was very good. His perspective and advice were very realistic. I think his brochure might even be online and he is very, very committed so I bet he would be willing to talk at a mom's lunch or something... Here is his brochure


Our twin boys just turned 2 in September. We have not begun any discussions with them yet. I think at this age, if you're comfortable doing so, you can begin to expand on body parts and to explain they are "private." With our older sons, now ages 7 & 5-1/2, I began to discuss by whom and when their "privates" can be touched at just about 3 years, when they were going to begin nursery school. By then they were potty trained and had a better "awareness" of their body and their "privates." We would explain that it was OK for our caregivers, Mommy and Daddy, grandparents to touch them when giving them a bath or helping them go potty. Obviously you need to expand once they begin school to include teachers. We also explained that if someone touched them and it made them feel uncomfortable or if it just didn't feel "right" to tell us, their babysitter or teacher. Regardless of what experts suggest, I think that you have to begin when you feel that your children can comprehend.

These discussions also prompted talks about why a parent or caregiver should always be with you in a public bathroom. And why you need to stay with them whenever you go shopping, to the playground, etc. I understand not wanting to instill fears or apprehensions. It is a gradual discussion that they help move along by asking questions. And they will!

Believe me, it doesn't get easier when you have to start the discussions with 5 year olds about "playing doctor" (once again not instilling negatives about exploring and their natural curiosity) and then again about respecting others bodies and privates as well (not touching girls, pulling up dresses, not talking about their or others' privates at the playground, on the bus, or in school). We did teach them the correct terms at a young age.


We haven’t done so much talking about touching and such thus far as they aren’t out of our sight ever. We need to though as our daughter begins school with all the teachers, assistants, administrators there. But we did start with at just shy of age 2 with the difference between strangers and friends. We did it two ways. First through photos (photos of people she recognized were friends and photos cut from magazines were not). Second, we decided that people we invite over/meet with are friends. Random people are strangers. It’s been easy with her because she has as a cautious, shy personality. With our other daughter we’ve had to be a bit more firm; at the playground, she’ll run up to some other kid or parent and hug them! Cute but dangerous; we’ve scolded a bit for that.

 When his children were almost two years old, Michael Hammer-Lahav asked the group for thoughts on when to transition to beds from cribs. Here is what he heard. You'll see that many responses dovetail with what parents said when asked the bed vs. crib tent question a few months back. Thanks, Michael!


My twins are 3-1/2 and I just put them in twin beds two weeks ago. I know that is considered late, but they were great sleepers and still take naps. They also share a room. So...now the nap situation is different. While I need to begin to drop the afternoon nap anyway, for now I separate them for afternoon nap/quiet time. I put one in their room and one on my bed to prevent them from having a big party during nap time. Night time is not an issue; they are always so tired that they stay in their beds once I read a story. They do not get out of bed at night; if one wakes up, they call me just as if they were in their crib. Even in the morning, they will call me when they are awake. I told them the same rules applied if they were to wake up. I have nightlights in the hall just in case they do get out of bed and try to wander to our room.

My guys ended up in beds before they were 2. (One started crying one night and told me he wanted to sleep in the guest bed that was already in the room, and he did great right away, didn't get out, etc., but a few weeks later when the other figured out that his brother was not 'trapped' in a crib, he figured out how to climb out of his crib, so we immediately put him in a bed so he wouldn't hurt himself.) It has been 7 months now and it's been a nightmare!!! Impossible to put them to sleep, to nap, frequent night visits, etc. Bottom line: if your kids are not climbing out of their cribs and sleep well, my advice is don't even THINK about beds yet - twins have waaaayyyyy too much fun together when they have freedom like that. Wait [until age 2-1/2 or so] and then they'll understand some basic rules better, and be motivated by incentives, etc. I wish I had been able to wait!  Sorry for the run-on sentences, but I'm sure you get the idea!

I have to admit that my twin boys will be 3 soon and are still in their cribs. They are sleeping well. One tried to climb from his crib to his brother's but they have never tried to get out [to the floor]. Have yours? My husband wanted to get toddler beds a while ago but I held off because I know that when we do, they will not stay in their beds. Everyone's children are different, so maybe yours need it, but I sleep better knowing that my boys are in their cribs.

I have friends that made it to 3-1/2. Real chaos ensues once they get out of those little cages. (Just kidding :) Also, even when we moved them to beds at 3, they slept in cribs at hotels when we traveled for the next 6-8 months. We told them it was a "special treat."

My girls turned 2 yesterday and they're still in cribs. My feeling is don't move them until you have to (if they are attempting to climb out). My nephew transitioned at 18 months and his sleep has really never been the same. They are very young for that much responsibility (needing to stay in bed when they can easily get out). My girls share a room as well and I feel that it will be a big party once they can get out of bed and get the other one up. So, I'll probably move them closer to 3 years, unless they are too tall or are trying to climb.

I don't have a lot of advice EXCEPT, we are moving soon and I plan to put up a gate (maybe one of those flexible/fabric type ones) in front of their bedroom door so that if they get up at night, they are safe inside. I don't want to have to shut the door all the time. Another mom recommended this and I plan to do it!

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