On Biting

A mom in the group asked for help when one of her 18-month-olds started biting the other. Here is what she gleaned from the group:

What I have to say won't be too helpful...but our twin girls starting biting very young and it has lasted past three years old! They even occasionally bite their own arm/hand now out of frustration when they want to bite the other one. Nothing we tried (time out, a spanking, etc.) worked. I think it is just THE MOST frustrating thing for twins to have to essentially share everything.  I have heard that some parents bite their own children back to illustrate how painful it is but we never did this since they obviously knew how it felt. I think you must be just absolutely consistent about the punishment even though this gets exhausting. All I can say to help is that you are not alone, and this is quite normal.

It is definitely something that will pass, my one daughter used to bite the other and it happened mostly when she was frustrated and felt  helpless...sitting in the carriage waiting to leave the house and being impatient, etc., I would tell her "no bite," and comfort the other and really not give the biter further attention. I also tried to be around them as much as I could to prevent if from occurring, or catch her when she was about to -- to remind her not to bite.

I did eventually get a gate that is pressure mounted, so you can put it up anywhere. You might want to try that - and pull a chair up next to it while your child is behind it repeating "no bite, we don't bite, it hurts," etc. I've tried just leaving my daughter behind the gate for two minutes, but that seems to really upset her and she doesn't seem to get the message. She just spends the entire time crying to get out, so now I pull up a chair.

Biting can definitely be caused by the frustrating experiences that twins face (being forced to share/play together at an early age, without the ability to communicate "Back off!"). For those
situations, I agree with the tactics other people have described (stern 'No biting' and lavishing attention on the 'victim'). But it's also worth keeping in mind that the urge to bite can be a
very strong craving for some kids. So another tactic you can try is to keep lots of 'chewy' toys around that will satisfy the biting urge. That way, when when you see a bite coming, you can grab an appropriate chewy toy and offer it as a substitute for your other child's body part.

One of my girls actually bites her own arm when she gets frustrated, so we keep chewy toys scattered all over the apartment for this purpose. We've taught her to grab one herself if she feels the urge to bite. I'm not claiming that it works all the time, but it helps!

You can find lots of good toys for this purpose (Nuk brushes, chewy tubes, rubbery vibrating things, etc) on specialty education websites like TalkTools.net, Abilitations.com, SuperDuperInc.com, etc. Abilitations sells something called 'Chewlery' which are basically bracelets and necklaces that are made of spiral, rubbery plastic. The idea is that the child always has something appropriate on him/her to bite. My daughter didn't find them satisfying but I thought it was an interesting concept.

We also have a book called "Teeth are not for Biting" (and another called "Hands are not for Hitting"!)...they're probably a little advanced for your boys at this age, but it can't hurt to try!

It is definitely a phase.  I was as upset as you are. My b/g twins munched each other all the time at 18 months.  At the time, other twins moms told me to really be firm and let them know how serious it is.  I Even though they don't really  get "time out" this young, you may want to consider starting it for biting.  The other thing I read by Dr. Brazelton is that they don't really have
self-control yet.  Just scold them and move on.  Sometimes they will feel really bad once they are scolded and they will eventually learn to control themselves.  My kids are over three years and everthing is fine. Good luck, it will pass.

Mine only bit once or twice.  They really weren't biters but like any other behavior we're trying to curb - consistency has been the main thing.  Make sure to do a time out EVERY time.  Explain why they're getting a timeout before you leave them.  If you can, do it somewhere other than the crib so the crib is just for sleeping.  However, in an apartment that can be difficult so if you have to do it in a crib, make sure that it's completely different than when they're sleeping.  Make sure shades are up, take out blankets and comfort toys, etc.

My "biting" pair are now 28 months old, and what I have observed is that as their language skills developing, the biting decreases.  I say to them, "Dinosaurs bite/hit, we are loving," "we are loving to each other, we give kisses to each other,"  "children do not bite, children are loving," etc. This helps.  What is interesting, is that they do not bite us or other children, only each other.  Another twin mom I talk with says the same thing.

Oy!  Everyone I know -- including me -- suffered through the biting phase. It will pass. From what I have found and heard from other twin moms, consistency of your response is the most important thing (I know, alert the media, but it's true) -- one mom just fiercely said "no
biting," separated the kids and walked out of the room.  Also, I started the "crib time out" thing when my twins were just under two and I was quite nervous about it, too. (We had recently moved and sleep wasn't great.) But my pediatrician told me it wouldn't confuse them and it's been a very useful tool (more of a deterent with my daughter, I have to admit, but still, it does work with my son), it does not confuse them.  Anyway, they will grow out of it. Leaving the room when they're 17 months is very powerful (because they really want you around), and it will pass.  My only other suggestion (I fear these might be a little obvious) if you're really concerned would be to contact a place like the Soho Parenting center -- I went for sleep help and they had terrific advice.

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